Hey guys, today I'm doing something a little different...I have a guest-blogger, yes! Fallon, from HIPPIEFAL is taking over! If you want to read more about love, silliness, and awesome bloggers head over to her page!
Over the weekend I went to dinner with an ex, the most recent one added to my collection of failed relationships. In the days leading up we conversed over the phone and through texts. I had my hopes high for our dinner ‘date’ I thought maybe they came back into my life to be with me again and confess their love. Maybe this was the one that got away and now they were back again! I felt so happy and giddy like a toddler who gets a hold of a piece of candy.
They broke up with me and I had reached out to be friends after our relationship was over but it wasn’t really reciprocated so you can guess my shock and dismay when they reached out and seemed very friendly if not flirty.
After our first conversation on the phone I knew that I still had feelings and that this shit was not okay but like a junkie I ignored the addiction I clearly had for this person still and went on with setting plans for dinner which was their idea by the way. We get to dinner (I picked the place and of coarse since I was trying to bring the feelings back and get the mood right I chose a romantic restaurant overlooking the water, yeah I know.) By the way I looked amazing!
We sit down and then like word vomit I blurted out ‘So I still like you, what about you?” haha gawd! Am I really making this confession right now? They then took a deep sigh that seemed like it lasted for hours and said “I was afraid of this; I thought we were just being friends…” My whole expression shifted and I regretted saying anything at all, hell I regretting even talking to them again. I then got even blunter and said “So you have no romantic feelings for me at all?” Response: “No. No, I don’t.”
I had been in past relationships where we would break up and then they would hit me up after a few months to be “friends” and we would hang out and then BAM we like eachother again and end up going back to their place and fucking that same night and inevitably end up trying the love thing again just for shits and giggles. So this was the first time that an ex actually just wanted to be friends, platonic friends at that and felt nothing more. I wasn’t familiar. The rest of the dinner we spoke about everything while I chugged my long island iced tea and picked over my pasta because of course I had no fucking appetite at this point.
I realized in the days following the dinner that we couldn’t be friends, I wasn’t over them enough to be. So I ended the new found friendship we were trying to establish and it ended badly…again. Sigh. A part of me feels free though and that even though it ended bad at least I can now truly get over them and move on with my life and maybe one day ill discover that I really didn’t even want to be friends with them. To be honest I only agreed to wanting to be friends too in hopes of them somehow developing feelings for me again if I became the bestest friend they ever had. I would have been pretending and in turn driving myself crazy.
Everything has a lesson and I learned that you should never get your hopes up especially in dealing with an ex and that a true friendship never works unless both parties feel nothing romantically for eachother anymore. This weekend was fucking intense to say the absolute least and my emotions ran crazy, crazy enough for me to call my good friend in NYC and let her know that I booked a flight and will be coming to stay with her within the week. Sometimes things happen and you need to pack up and leave for a bit, get out of your environment. Goodbye LA.